Have you ever been in a relationship that your partner wasn't out nor was she strong enough to come out?

Question

Have you ever been in a relationship that your partner wasn't out nor was she strong enough to come out?

Answer

Yes, one of us was. It was while in college. She was only out to a few close friends. She didn't even really talk about it to those few friends. It is really hard to come out no matter who you are or what kind of family and friends you have. However, it is especially hard to come out in a heavily religious environment where we lived. I was out to everyone except my parents until about 7 years ago. My ex eventually came out a few years after our relationship ended, when she was in a different relationship with a friend of mine (yeah that was difficult and awkward at first). It was hard to watch her do things in that relationship she was never willing to do when she was with me. In hind sight I guess she wasn’t emotionally or mentally ready for the kind of committed relationship I needed. I think I helped her get to that point. However, she may not see it that way.

I have friends that didn't come out to their parents until they were in their late thirties or even later or not at all. The fear of friends and especially family disowning you is so great some people are willing to lie their entire lives just to keep those relationships. That is one reason gay communities are so tight. A lot of gay and lesbian people are thrown out of their homes as teenagers or disowned later in life when their family finds out. When things like that happen, you make your own family. A Family you choose.