What are the challenges facing lesbians who raise children?

Question:

One of the cultural reasons for marriage is for children to have a healthy upbringing. What are the challenges you've faced raising children as lesbians? What are the advantages / disadvantages that lesbians have over straight couples when raising families?

Answer:

Ah! A question near and dear to our hearts. We have three daughters who we lovingly refer to as our spawn. Two of them, a nineteen year old and a fourteen year old, are from Kim's previous marriage to Dave, and our one year old is the wonderful creation of our union (see our earlier post How do Lesbians get Pregnant).

Besides the gazillion challenges everyone faces in raising a child today, gays and lesbians have a slew of challenges that make it even more interesting. We'd have to say that the biggest one would have to be society's reaction. Sometimes it is as subtle as a dirty look, sometimes it manifests itself in violence. I think everyone had read story where schools, mostly private Catholic, have expelled or denied a child enrollment simply because they had two moms. Then there was the frightening case recently in New Mexico where a teacher refused to help an injured child simply because she had two moms. It's chilling to read the bald admission of homophobia when the school was confronted.

Another huge challenge are the laws that vary from state to state. Some states, such as Nevada and Florida, forbid the adoption of a child by a same sex parent. That makes school enrollment, emergency medical decisions, and all that a potential night mare.

And then there are the simple harassments of day to day that result in a child coming home from school, friends' houses, or just the grocery store wracked with tears because someone called their mom a dyke or 'forgot' to give them a balloon at the checkout. They don't understand and all you can do is comfort them until you can help them deal with life's harsh moments on their own.

On the flip side! Check this out- Study shows Lesbians make good moms . This is our theory- communication and an intense awareness of  your environment are the key. Same sex relationships are constantly bombarded with stressful situations. In order to survive them, it takes excellent communication and a strong ability to anticipate the possible stresses that life tosses at gay parents. That communication and the ability to navigate those stresses are tools that probably get transferred to the children who learn to deal with life than, say the kids whose parents leave it to the school to raise their children. We are constantly amazed at the number of our children's friends who have never had an honest talk with their parents about sex. You can't avoid that in a same sex relationship. 

None of this is to say that there aren't straight parents out there that raise equally secure children.

This is just the tip of the iceberg, but hopefully it provides a little insight.